Owen and Noah versus the music videos
by 100TenMillion
Summary: In the style of Beavis and Butthead, Owen and Noah skewer the worst and best music videos of this generation!
1. Chapter 1

**Owen and Noah versus the music videos**

**Video 1: "Grenade" by Bruno Mars**

A knock on Noah's door. He opens the door to greet a smiling Owen.

"Hey Noah, wassup?"

"Not much, man. Just watching some music videos on Youtube. Wanna check see some?"

"Sure!" Owen follows Noah towards the computer. A music video has been fully loaded...

_Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live_

_Oh take take take it all but you never give_

_Should have know, you was trouble from the first kiss_

_Had your eyes wide open. Why were they open?_

Noah: How did he know her eyes were wide open?

Owen: Well, cuz she was hot, ya know? You only close your eyes when kissing ugly chicks.

Noah: Wait what?

Owen: See, if she's hot, you keep your eyes open to keep on looking at her. But if she's ugly, you close them to pretend you're kissing a hot chick.

Noah: So everytime you made out with Izzy, you were pretending she was someone else?

Owen: Touche, Noah. Touche.

_I'd catch a grenade for ya!_

_Throw my hand on a blade for ya!_

_I'd take a bullet in my brain for ya!_

_You know I'd do anything for ya!_

Owen: Bruno Mars, ladies and gentleman- great singer, awful piano mover.

Noah- I predict Bruno Mars Piano Moving Company is gonna declare bankrutpcy by the end of the month.

Owen- That's how bad the economy's gotten-Music starts have to get second jobs as piano movers just to make ends meet!

_Blakc black black and blue beat me till I'm numb_

_Tell the devil I said when you get back to where you from_

_Bad woman, mad woman that's just what ya are_

_Yeah you'll smile in my face then rip the breaks off my car_

Noah: Welcome to Fresno, California.

Owen: How'd you know it's Fresno?

Noah: Those Bulldogs guys. Fresno sucks, man.

Owen: Jesus, the hell man? What did Fresno ever do to you?

Noah: Ex girlfriend lives there.

Owen: Oh, that explains everything. Hey, what if these guys are Latin Kings, or Aryan Nation or something?

Noah: You know a lot about gangs.

Owen: I watch too much History Chanel.

_I would go through all this pain_

_Take a bullet straight through my brain!_

_Yes I would die for you baby_

_But you won't do the same!_

Owen: Ah man, he spent all that time lugging a piano across Fresno, only to find the chick he was delivering it to with some dude!

Noah: Yeah, it's like he spent all that effort doing something she never would have agreed to anyway, and when he found out she had someone else, he's dissapointed in her. Class act.

Owen: I know. OK, lemme be serious here. She's obviously a bitch, he's a nice enough guy, he should totally dump her ass and get himself a boyfriend.

Noah: I think he's straight.

Owen: You just won't let me have hope, would you?

Noah: Oh my God. Another video where the artist dies at the end. Shocker...not!

Owen: Poor Bruno Mars. Died by way of train.

Noah: (chuckles, imitating Bruno Mars) "Fuck you, girl! I'm gonna go listen to Linkin Park!"

"Crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal." Owen bursts out laughing. "Fear is how I roll, confusing what is real."

"You the man, dog!" Noah gives Owen a high five.

"Put another video on, man." Owen watches as Noah opens another video...


	2. Chapter 2

Owen and Noah versus the music videos

**Video 2: "Pyromania" by Cascada**

"Hey Noah, let's check out this video. It's got a hot chick on it!"

"Sure thing." Noah clicks on the video. It loads...

_Pyro pyromania_

_ma-ma-ma-ma-mania_

_Pyro pyromania_

Noah: That's actually a cool effect, making it look like there's lights coming out of their mouths. Really makes it seem like they are robots.

Owen: Yeah, but what could it mean?

_Call me obsessed_

_Call me insane_

_something is creeping through my veins!_

_Eyes cannot see_

_what's undeneath_

Owen: Good lord, she's hot!

Noah: (smiling) You know it! She is one sexy lady!

Owen: Wow wow wow! Did you see that smile of hers? Just wow!

Noah: I know! Wow! She is smokin hot!

_Pyromania! Pyrmonaia ow!_

_Pyromania! (Give it, give it up girl!)_

_Pyromania! Pyromania Ow!_

_Ow! Ow!_

Owen: Wow, there is a ton of symbolism in this video!

Noah: How so?

Owen: Well there's tons of fire, and robot guys, and that hot chick, and dancing...I think there's a meaning behind all this!

Noah: There is, wanna know what it is?

Owen: Yes!

Noah: The robot guys represent the music industry and how overloaded it is with pre packaged 'artists' that can easily be disposed of and replaced. You can tell it's this because there's very little way to tell them apart, yet sparkly lights come out of their mouths.

Owen: And the fire?

Noah: It represents the irrepresible soul and passion of the true artist, which can not be put out by an uncaring industry that exists solely to churn out factory made lyrics and beats.

_I must confess_

_A thousand degrees_

_Bring out the beast inside of me_

_Don't be afraid_

_Go into the blaze_

_It's gonna melt your fears away!_

Owen: So what does she represent?

Noah: Who?

Owen: The chick. Cascada.

Noah: Dude, sometimes a hot chick is just a hot chick. She's there cuz she's the one singing the song. Dumbass.

Owne: Oh come on Noah, don't be so mean!

Noah: Well really man, think about it. Why does everything in a music video need to have meaning? Why can't something be as it is presented?

Owen: Gee, now there's a question we should ask Lady Gaga.

_Pyromania! Pyromania ow!_

_Pyromania!_

Owen: Hey, how did you know that's what this video represents?

Noah: Yeah...I made it up.

Owen: I thought so. I don't think this video means anything.

Noah: It's a whole lot of pretty images that look nice. And a hot chick.

Owen: Yeah. Not that there's anything wrong with that. (Chuckles)

_Pyromania! Pyromania ow!_

_Pyromania! Ah, ah ow!_

_Pyromania!_

Noah: Know what sucks? I hate videos that pretend they're this deep piece of art, where really it's all just a bunch of bullshit symbols only a handful of people will understand.

Owen: Yeah, I hate that too. It's like a guy that paints a square and two circles and says it's a protest against the Iraq war or something!

"So anyway, know what? I think I want to watch another music video." Noah places his cursor over the search bar.

"Hey, I know a video I've been dying to check out lately!" Owen exclaims.


	3. Chapter 3

Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos

Video 3: "Baby" by Justin Bieber

"Wow...over two million dislikes." Owen's jaw drops. "We HAVE to see this video, man."

"I don't know if I'm ready for the level of suck that's bound to be found in this video." Noah chuckles. "Maybe we should watch another?"

"No way, dude. This video might suck, but until we watch it, we will never know how much it sucked!" Owen thumps his chest. "We need to stand face to face with the Bieber!"

"Ok..." Noah starts the video...

_Ooh whooaaaaaah_

_Ooh whoaaaaah_

_Ooh whoaaaaah_

Noah: (sarcastically) Oh wow, what a great starts.

Owen: I'm a little dizzy.

Noah: (sarcastically) Oh great, a bowling alley. Great way to spend a date.

Owen: What are you talking about? Every time I take a girl bowling, she starts bitching about how unclean those bowling shoes are!

Noah: Yeah...whatever.

Owen: At least the chick's are cute in this video.

_Are we an item?_

_Girl quit playing_

"_We're just friends"_

_What are you saying?_

_Said there's another as you look right through my eyes_

_My first love broke my heart for the first time_

Noah: Of course there's another guy in her life. Chances are, he's already gone through puberty.

Owen: Dude, she's not interested in you! Take a hint!

Noah: Justin Bieber reminds me of that annoying kid who once received a pitty valentine, and then started calling the girl his girlfriend.

Owen: Kind of like that Simpsons episode?

Noah: Yeah, exactly like that Simpsons episode. In fact, betcha that's what happened here. That girl took pity on him, gave him a valentine, he started thinking she was his girlfriend, and then she gave him a reality check. This song is just him bitching about it.

_I'll buy you anything_

_I'll buy you any ring_

_Cause I'm in pieces_

_Baby fix me_

_And just shake me till you wake me from this bad dream_

_I'm going down, down, down, down_

_And I just can't believe my first love won't be around_

Noah: (angry) What is that? That's the most pathetic thing I've heard my entire life!

Owen: Dude, chill! It's not that big a deal.

Noah: No, no! This is not just a song about some kid bitching about how his first love broke his heart! This song is about some pathetic piece of shit that just can't accept that his 'girlfriend' has moved on! He shouldn't be begging her to take him back, he should be sucking it up, grow some nuts and move on as well!

Owen: Gee...isn't that a little much to ask a kid who hasn't gone through puberty yet?

Noah: you know what? It isn't. In fact, it's the opposite. We SHOULD be teaching kids that, when a relation ends, you grow some fucking nuts, and then move the fuck on!

Owen: (watches the rest of the video in silence"

_Baby baby baby oooh_

_Like_

_Baby baby baby oooh_

_Like baby baby baby ooh_

_I thought you'd always be mine (mine)_

Noah: (eye twitching) They...get back...together? Just like that?

Owen: (Stunned silece)

Noah: Bull...shit! That is NOT how things work!

At that moment, Noah stops the video. "Enough! Just...enough..."

Owen pats his friend on the shoulder. "You OK, bud?"

"No. This sort of thing isn't OK. It is not OK for a guy to act like that." Noah points at the video. "This sort of thing isn't right! This is not a healthy way to handle a breakup! It's not OK to sing a song about how you were so pathetic that you BEGGED a girl to take you back! It isn't right! A relationship..."

"Is not only rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along." Owen places a hand on Noah's shoulder. "I know, Noah. Yeah, when I broke up with Izzy, I inmediatly regretted it. I wanted her back so bad...but I did what you told me. I grew some nuts, sucked it up, and with time, I accepted what happened was for the best. She and I weren't meant to be, know what I mean?"

"Will the people who like this song..." Noah can't finish that sentence.

"This is something everyone learns, Noah. With time, they learn. Maybe not the first time...but they will." Owen offers Noah a hand. "Come on, it's a great day outside. How about we go hang out?"

"Sure" Noah walks towards his computer, then turns it off. "This video sucks anyway."


	4. Chapter 4

**Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos**

**Video 4: "My Jeans" by Jenna Rose.**

"Hey Owen, wassup?" Noah enters Owen's home. He shakes Owen's hand.

"Not much, Lindsay sent me a link to this music video, and I was just about to watch it. She says it's really bad."

"Lindsay likes Twilight, I wouldn't trust her tastes." Noah chuckles. "But if she says it's bad, it's at least worth a look."

"Ok, let's start this up..." Owen opens the video...

_Staring out the window, I brush my hair_

_Getting dressed to meet my friends, but I don't know what to wear_

Noah: Oh, crap. I am hating it already.

_Change the channel and what do I see?_

_Hannah Montana's wearing my jeans_

_Ashley Tisdale's wearing my jeans_

_KeKe Palmer's wearing my jeans._

_I just can't believe they wore those jeans like me!_

Owen: So...she's singing about...jeans?

Noah: (sarcastically) Yes, because nothing is more important than jeans.

Owen: Oh, wow...so much autotune.

Noah: Of course. How else can you sing a song about jeans?

Owen: She's kinda skinny, you know? I don't know if her parents are even feeding her.

Noah: I betcha this is where the money for her food went.

_Staring at the mall window my finger drew a smile_

_I thought about how cool I'd look if I had them on right now!_

_I'm anxious, excited, they're on my mind_

_It feels like Heelys are racing up my spine!_

Owen: She's old enough to drive?

Noah: No...pause the video, man, we need to look this up.

Owen: (googles Jenna Rose) She's 13... OK...

Noah: (sarcastically) Wow, what great parents. Letting their unfed 13 year old daughter drive...

Owen: Somebody should really call Social Services on these guys.

_Oh oh woaoh_

_Oh oh, woaoh_

_Oh oh, whoaoh_

_She wores those jeans like me!_

_1, here comes the 2 to the 3_

_Now it's the T.R.I to the double G_

_Why, she's got the cool new jeans now sittin in the J.E.T._

Noah: A wild rapper appears!

Owen: (chuckles) What will you do?

Noah: I choose Chimchar! Use scratch attack!

Owen: It's not very effective...

Noah: Chimchar, return! Go, guy with actual musical talent! Use a song with real meaning!

Owen: It's super effective! Wild rapper fainted! You earn 120 EXP!

Noah: Yes!

_ABC, 1 2 3, That girl wore those jeans like me_

_I bet she's mad cause I look so fab_

_haha ha ha, jack my swag_

_Sticks and stones may break my bones_

_But mine look new and her's just look so old_

_So old_

_So old_

Owen: This chick's just being mean now.

Noah: Yeah, she's a bitch.

Owen: Kinda ugly too. And she has beaver teeth.

Noah: Normally, I don't judge a girl by her looks. But yeah, she looks better from afar than up close.

Owen. Crap, that rapper's back again.

Noah: What the hell does he have to do with this song?

Owen: And why is he so much better than the chick actually singing this song?

Noah: This is shit. This whole song's gone on too long.

Owen: I am so bored! I'm turning it off right now!

Owen turns off the video. "Man, that sucked!"

Noah chuckles. "Never before has such a long song expressed so little."


	5. Chapter 5

**Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos**

**Video 5: "Call me maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen**

"OK, let's check out this video." Owen clicks on a link. "They always mention it on 9gag, so I hope it's good."

_I threw a wish in a well_

_Don't ask me I'll never tell_

_I looked to you as it fell_

_And now you're in my way._

Noah: I'm gonna call the guy Cloud.

Owen: Why?

Noah: Because Cloud mows the lawn. (He laughs.)

Owen: Ew! That fanfic's so gross!

Noah: (Laughs some more)

_Hey I just met you_

_And this is crazy_

_But here's my number_

_So call me maybe!_

_It's hard to look right_

_At you baby_

_But here's my number_

_So call me maybe!_

Owen: She's kinda cute, actually

Niah: A real girl next door type, combined with some Zooey Deschanel.

Owen: Cute face, skinny legs. I give her a solid eight!

_You took your time with the call_

_I took no time with the fall_

_You gave me nothing at all_

_but still you're in my way_

_I beg, and borrow and steal_

_At first sight and it's real_

_I didn't know I would feel it_

_but it's in my way_

Noah: Wow, guy's not paying her any attention at all.

Owen: Man, I hate it when Hollywood pretends that the totally hot chick is NOT totally hot!

Noah: I guess this video takes place in that fictional universe where Taylor Swift can't get a date.

Owen: Know what she needs to do? Tell him she plays videogames.

Noah: (groans)

_It's hard to look right_

_At you, baby!_

_But here's my number_

_So call me maybe!_

_Hey I just met you_

_And this is crazy!_

_But here's my number_

_so call me, maybe!_

_And all the other boys, _

_they try to chase me!_

_But here's my number_

_So call me maybe!_

_Before you came into my life _

_I missed you so bad_

_Missed you so bad, so so bad!_

Noah: Wow, she missed him before she ever knew the guy.

Owen: Still a better love story than Twilight.

Noah: (bursts out laughing) The guy was gay the whole time!

Owen: And she's like 'dude, what the eff'!

"Oh man, that was such an awesome video!" Owen gets up and stretches. "I loved that song!"

"Man, I knew the guy was gay the whole time." Noah snickers.

"No you didn't." Owen chuckles. "But yeah, that was one heck of a twist. That video was awesome."


	6. Chapter 6

**Owen and Noah versus the music videos**

**Video 6: "Starships" by Nicki Minaj**

"Ok, let's check out this one." Owen clicks the video...

Owen: Oh check it out, a beach.

Noah: Not a very good beach, though. It doesn't have palm trees, or grass, or even sand.

Owne: Dude, check it out, it's the USS Enterprise!

Noah: No it isn't! It doesn't even look like the Enterprise!

_Let's go to the beach, each_

_Let's go get away_

_They say, what they gonna say?_

_Have a drink, clink, found the bud light_

_bad bitch like me, is hard to come by_

_the zone, own, yes I'm in the zone_

_Is it two, three? Leave a good tip_

_I'ma blow off all my money and I don't give two shits!_

Noah: (Stunned silence)

Owen: Oh my God...I don't know wether to fap to this, or puke.

Noah: (Stunned silence)

Owen: She's hot AND ugly at the same time! It's amazing, really.

_Jump in my hoopty hoopty hoop I own that_

_And I ain't paying my rent, I owe that_

_But fuck who you want and fuck what you like_

_Dance our life, there's no end in sight_

_Twinkle twinkle little star..._

Noah: (Stunned silence)

Owen: Wow...I have no idea what's going on. Do you?

Noah: (Stunned silence)

_Starships were meant to fly_

_Hands up and touch the sky_

Owen: Gee, I have no idea what's going on! I don't even know if I still wanna jack off to Nicki Minaj, or puke because of how butt ugly she is! It's like, I kinda wanna do both at the same time!

_Starships were meant to fly_

_Hands up and touch the sky_

_Can't stop cuz we're so high_

_Let's do this one more time!_

At that moment, Owen stops the music videos. "Know what? I made up my mind, I'm gonna go jack off while thinking of Nicki Minaj!"

Noah closes the music video's window. "Wow, that was bad."


	7. Chapter 7

Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos

Video 7: "TTYLXOX" by Bella Thorne

"Hey man, check this video out." Owen clicks another video. "Keep in mind she's about fourteen."

Noah; So, which one' the singer...oh...

_Be be be my BFF_

_cuz IDK what's coming next_

_and it'll be LMHO with the rest_

_so TTYLXOX_

Noah: (sarcastic) Wow, what fantastic lyrics.

Owen: Gee, what is she even singing about?

Noah: This song is Annoying Facebook Girl's personal anthem, I swear.

_Show up with the same dress_

_We don't know who wore it best_

_Not making a big deal_

_Act like it's a new trend_

Noah: Yet she's the only one dressed uniquely...Guess who's not following the trend?

Owen: Gee, she sure is skinny, but she sure can dance. You know this chick has her own show?

Noah: Really? What's it called?

Owen: It's called Shake it Up. It's OK, it amuses me from time to time.

Noah: Ah...what channel?

Owen: Disney.

Noah: Wow, that channel used to be good, but I stopped watching after they started showing Hannah Montana.

Owen: That show was OK, and it got way better when Miley got hot. She sure is easy to fap to.

Noah: (Disgusted) Dude come on!

Owen: (chuckles) I always did

Noah: (Disgusted) You're sick.

_Be be be my BFF_

_Because IDK what's coming next_

_And it'll be LMHO with the rest_

_So TTYLXOX_

Owen: She sure is skinny.

Noah: When will parents learn to feed their kids STOMACHS instead of their EGO'S?

Owen: At least the dancing and the beat are good.

Noah: Dude, this has got to be the worst lip synching I have ever seen in a video. Disney sure is shit these days.

Owen: Dude, remember when we were kids, and they had shows that made us laugh?

Noah: Yeah, like Even Stevens, Lizzie McGuire, Jett Jackson, So Weird. Man, I miss that.

Owen: I saw the Lizzie McGuire movie in theaters!

Noah: Wow, you must have been the only boy there.

Owen: No, but I was the only boy who wasn't fapping to Hilary Duff.

Noah: Yeah, she was hot.

Owen: She still is, man. I think this chick's good looking too, but she's not as hot as Duff was at her age.

Noah: She needs to gain some wheight.

"Dude, this video sucked." Noah shakes his head. "The song sucked, the singer wasn't much to look at, it was just...this is what kids like?"

"To be honest, Zendaya is way better at dancing." Owen clicks another video.


	8. Chapter 8

**Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos**

**Video 8: "Hot Problems" by Double Take**

"Wow! Half a million dislikes?" Owen clicks the video. "We have GOT to see it!"

_Look at me and tell me the truth_

_What do you do?_

_When people don't know what we go through._

_They see my blonde hair, blue eyes and class_

_But they don't know I have a really big_

_Heart_

Noah: (Stunned Silence)

Owen: (Stunned Silence)

_Please, don't get me wrong_

_I know that I'm hot_

_But textbook perfection really takes a lot_

_Weird guys call my phone, and girls call me names_

_But like Miley said, I can't be tamed_

Owen: (Stunned Silence)

Noah: (Stunned Silence)

_Hot girls we have problems too!_

_We're just like you, except we're hot!_

At that point, Owen clicks the stop button. "OK...That explains the dislikes."

Noah clears his throat. "Yeah...That was just terrible. That wasn't even singing, it was more like sing talk."

Owen sighs. "I know. And they weren't even that hot!"

"Too much make up." Noah smirks. "I doubt they were serious, though."

Owen chuckles. "Probably, but people will remember them for this crappy music video. Even if they release a sex tape, people are gonna be all like 'Hey! Did you hear? Those two sluts who did Hot Problems released a sex tape!' And that's gonna be the name of the sex tape, Hot Problems!"

"Double Take's Hot Problems, man I think there IS a porn by that name!" Noah laughs.

"Man, this summer heat is intense." Owen wipes the sweat off his brow. "And our air conditioning is on the fritz!"

"Now that's a Hot Problem." Noah laughs. "Let's go to the mall, there's AC there."

"Yeah man, let's hit the mall!" Owen pump his fist in the air.


	9. Chapter 9

**Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos**

**Video 9: "You belong with me" by Taylor Swift**

Noah and Owen are eating pizza in the mall's cafeteria. Suddenly, Lindsay walks up to them, showing off her new MP3 Player. "Guys, guys, look at what Tyro bought me!"

"Tyler, you mean. Gee, an MP3 Player..." Noah rolls his eyes. "He bought you an MP3 Player, and you can't even remember his name."

"I know! He's so sweet." Lindsay sighs in a dreamy fashion. "Look, it even already came with some music videos! Tyson knows what I love!"

"At least she's getting the fist sillable of his name right." Owen sighs. "So, what videos you got, Lindsay?"

"Look, look! A Taylor Swift video!" She opens up the video. "I love Taylor Swift!"

_You're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset_

_She's going off about something that you said_

Noah: (smirks) Notebooks and sharpies, because actually talking through the phone, chat, or in person is too mainstream.

Owen: She looks so hot in glasses, it's a great look on her.

Lindsay: I know, right? She should totally make glasses a fashion statement!

_I'm in the room, it's a typical Tuesday Night_

_I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like_

_And she'll never know your story like I do_

_But she wears short skirts, I wear T-Shirts_

_She's cheer captain, and I'm sitting on the bleachers!_

Noah: Oh, crap. This video takes place in that alternate universe where a girl is considered homely if she wears t shirts and glasses. Heaven forbid a girl feel beautiful in anything less than a sparkly dress and whorish clothes!

Owen: I think Taylor should have cast someone else to play her role here. I mean, I just can't see why the guy would pick ANYONE over her!

_Walking the streets with you in your worn out jeans_

_I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be_

_Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself_

_Hey isn't this easy?_

Owen: Oh WOW, that brunette is hot hot HOT!

Lindsay: That's Taylor Swift! She played the good girl and the bad one!

Noah: Wait a second... Something isn't right about this video...

_She wears high heels, I wear sneakers_

_She's cheer captain and I'm sitting on the bleachers!_

_Dreaming about the day when you wake up and realize_

_That what you're looking for has been here the whole time_

Noah: The guy already has a girlfriend, yet Taylor Swift insists he belongs with her?

Owen: Yeah, man. It's the whole point of the...ohhhh.

Noah: That ain't right, man.

Lindsay: Oh come on, boys! What if this is true love?

Noah: Lindsay, how would you like it if, say, Heather were to go up to Tyler and tell him he belongs with her, and that she's better for him than you are?

Lindsay: Oh my gosh, that would be so bad of her!

Owen: Well, that's what Taylor Swift is singing about, and she wants you to root for her.

Lindsay: Oh my God, Taylor Swift is trying to steal my boyfriend!

_Standing by and waiting on your back door_

_All this time, how could you not know?_

_Baby, you belong with me, you belong with me_

Owen: Oh, jee. I liked her so much more when she wore glasses and a T-shirt.

Noah: So, all this time, the guy loved her back? But he stayed with his girlfriend...why?

Owen: You know, when you put it that way, I kind of feel sorry for the girlfriend. I mean, her boyfriend just dumped her for his neighbor.

Noah: And on prom, too! Prom's supposed to be this magical night, and he just ruined it for her!

Owen: And the guy did it so cold, too! I mean, he didn't even say two words to her! He just brushed her aside and went for blonde Swift!

Noah: What a bastard!

"I hate this video!" Lindsay puts the Player back in her purse. "Oh my gosh, now I know why he bought it for me! He was trying to tell me that Taylor Swift was making the moves on him!"

At this point, Lindsay starts to cry. "Well, he should be with her! She's so beautiful, and rich, and famous! He deserves her..I'm breaking up with him so he can be free to be with the one he belongs with!"

Owen and Noah look on, in shock, as Lindsay leaves. Noah finally speaks up. "Poor Tyler."


	10. Chapter 10

**Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos**

**Video 10: "The One that Got Away" by Katy Perry**

As Owen and Noah make their way through the mall, they notice that Tyler was alone, crying his heart out in the music store, watching a music video. Owen approaches Tyler, a sympathetic look on his face. Noah follows Owen with much reluctance.

"Hey Ty, you OK?" Owen pats Tyler on the shoulder.

"No." Tyler wipes away his tears. "Lindsay broke up with me."

"That's not good, why did she do that?" Owen sits next to Tyler. Noah keeps silent.

"Some jackass told her Taylor Swift was in love with me!" Tyler bursts out crying again. "She said I belonged with Swift, so she broke it off so I could pursue Taylor Swift!"

Noah winces upon hearing this. Owen frowns."Gee...Well, look at it this way, man. At least you're free to pursue...Taylor Swift?"

"No..." Tyler weeps some more. "No..."

"Hey man, relax. It will be fine." Owen looks around the store, hoping to see something to distract Tyler with. "Let's look at something other than Linkin Park, OK?"

"OK..." Tyler wipes his nose with a napkin Owen had offered him.

At that moment, the TV Tyler was watching started playing a music video...

**Summer after high school, when we first met**

**We make out in your mustang to Radio Head**

**And on my 18th birthday, we got matching tattoos**

Owen: (Winces) Maybe we should watch another video.

Tyler: (Sniffles) No, this one I wanna watch.

**Talk about our future, like we had a clue**

**Never planned that one day**

**I'd be losing you**

**In another life**

**I would be your girl**

**We'd keep all our promises**

**Be us against the world**

Owen: I think Katy looks way hotter in this video than in any other video she's ever done.

Noah: (Silence)

**I was June and you were my Johny Cash**

**Never one without the other, we made a pact**

**Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on**

**Someone said you had your tattoo removed**

**Saw you downtown singing the Blues**

**It's time to face the music**

**I'm no longer your muse**

Owen: Well yeah, you two broke up, didn't you, Katy?

Tyler: Owen, please. Can't you appreciate the song's message?

Owen: Sorry man, I'm just trying to lighten up the mood.

Tyler: Lindsay loves Katy Perry. (Starts tearing up again)

Owen: Gee, Old Katy. You married someone else, why are you still thinking about him?

Tyler: (Whimpers)

**All this money can't buy me a time machine (No)**

**Can't replace you with a million rings (No)**

Owen: Gee, this guy's being a jerk to Katy!

Tyler: And Katy's being a bit of a bitch back, I mean she ruined his painting!

Owen: Yeah, but the guy was being mean first, you know?

**In another life, I would be your girl**

**We'd keep all our promises**

**Be us against the world**

**In another life, I would make you stay**

**So I don't have to say you were**

**The one that got away**

Tyler: Seeing Katy Perry cry is almost as bad as seeing Lindsay cry.

Owen: I know. (Pats Tyler on the shoulder,)

Tyler: Look at this guy, he drove all night long...

Owen: Hey, buddy! Keep your eyes on the road!

Tyler: Yeah, don't be a retard! Keep your eyes on (Gasps)

Owen: Oh my God, he died!

"So, how did the guy managed to get his tattoo removed?" Owen asks. "I mean, didn't Katy kinda imply the guy was still alive?"

"Man, I don't know." Tyler starts crying again. "I miss Lindsay!"

"Then tell her how you feel." Noah speaks up. "If you love someone this much, you risk nothing by telling her how you feel. If she shoots you down, fine. It means the bitch never cared about you anyway. But if you trully love her, then by keeping your feelings to yourself, you are letting her go. You will certainly lose her if you just keep crying, feeling sorry for yourself. Man up, go to her, and pour your heart out."

"Wow.." Owen is flabbergasted. "I agree, Tyler. Do it!"

"OK! I'm gonna tell her how I don't want Taylor Swift, I want HER!" Tyler starts running out the store, waving goodbye to Owen and Noah.

"Hey man, that came from the heart." Owen pats Noah on the shoulder. "You must have some experience in this kind of thing."

"Yeah." Noah sighs. "But I don't want to talk about it..."


	11. Chapter 11

**Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos**

**Video 11: "What makes you beautiful" by One Direction**

Owen and Noah are checking out a music store when suddenly a music video pops up on a TV set. Owen stops to watch it. Noah joins him.

Owen: This is a nice beach.

Noah: Yeah, we need to check out which beach it is. Maybe we could visit it someday.

_**You're insecure**_

_**Don't know what for**_

_**You're turning heads when you walk through that door**_

_**Don't need makeup**_

_**To cover up**_

_**Being the way that you are is enough**_

Owen: I really like those lyrics, you know?

Noah: Yeah, but it's kinda sad that this band is often talked about in magazines that tell girls they're not pretty if they're not anorexic twigs like Bella Thorne.

Owen: I'm not sure she's anorexic, but yeah. She's so skinny it's scary.

_**So c-come on**_

_**You got it wrong**_

_**To prove I'm right I put it in a song**_

_**I don't know why**_

_**You're being shy**_

_**And turn away when I look into your eyes**_

Owen: She's not shy, you're just ugly!

Noah: Burn!

Owen: Seriously, the chick's pretty cute. Why would she not think of herself as beautiful?

Noah: (Smirks) Ask Penelope Cruz.

_**Baby you light up my world like nobody else**_

_**The way you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed**_

_**But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell**_

_**You don't know, oh oh**_

_**You don't know you're beautiful!**_

Owen: These guys ain't so bad, I could actually listen to them.

Noah: Hey wait a minute, have you noticed that there's only three girls, but five guys?

Owen: Gee, maybe two of the One Direction guys are 'together'?

Noah: (Laughs) Or maybe four of them share a girl, and the other one gets one to himself. And they're like making manwiches with those girls while the fifth guy's got a girl all for him.

Owen: That bastard!

_**If only you saw what I can see**_

_**You'll understand why I want you so desperately**_

_**Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe**_

_**You don't know, oh oh**_

_**You don't know you're beautiful, oh oh**_

_**You don't know you're beautiful, oh oh**_

_**You don't know you're beautiful!**_

Noah: Gee, that was pretty OK.

Owen: I get the feeling that they weren't really singing to the girls, though.

Noah: I don't know, it looked to me like they were happy just being themselves, instead of being fawned upon by some average looking guys with way too much autotune.

At that moment, Owen's phone beeps. "Check it out, Tyler's updated his Twitter."

"Didn't know he had one." Noah raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah, says here he's got back with Lindsay." Owen smiles. "That's nice."

"That breakup was almost as short as Kim Kardashian's marriage." Noah smirks.


	12. Chapter 12

**Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos**

**Video 12: "Spectacular" by Kiely Williams**

Noah and Owen had just finished playing some Dance Dance Revolution in the mall's arcade.

"So, wanna leave and go home, dude?" Owen asks, gasping for some air.

"Sure man, it's getting close to dinner, and I don't want to eat here again." Noah sighs. "But maybe grab a soda before we go?"

"Good idea, man." Owen wipes the sweat off his brow. They pass the cinema, occasionally glancing at the movie posters. "Great Pyramid of Gyza, I wanna see this movie!"

"Which one?" Noah looks at the posters. "Oh shit, you mean that one?"

Owen and Noah look on in shock at the movie poster. It's "Final Knockout: Blood Fury" starring Silvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, Jean Claude van Damme, Zooey Deschanel, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner. It is rated R.

"Dude, let's go see it!" Noah and Owen rush to the ticket booth. Luckily, there's still thirty minutes left before the movie is to begin. They go into the cinema lobby, buy some snacks, and wait for their theater room to open.

"I heard Zooey Deschanel shares a lesbian kiss with Kristen Stewart in this flick!" Owen giggles.

"I heard it was a lesbian sex scene! I even saw a teaser for it!" Noah bites his lip in excitement. "And it's awesome!"

They enter the theater. As soon as they sit down, a music video starts playing on the screen...

_**Last night I was drunk**_

_**I don't remember much**_

_**But what I do comes in pictures, that's how gone I was**_

_**But he was tall and he was buying**_

_**So I gave him a trying.**_

_**Said he was built like a stallion**_

_**And the man wasn't lying.**_

Noah: Oh my God, those have to be some of the worst lyrics ever written!

Owen: Wait, she's singing? I thought she was talking!

Noah: So, last she remembers she was face down, ass up, clothes off...

Owen: Ass up? I guess she likes it in her pooper.

Noah: (Snickers)

_**So it's the morning after**_

_**I couldn't get home faster**_

_**Doing the Walk of Shame**_

_**With the same clothes from Yesterday**_

Noah: Yeah, when you sleep in someone else's home for the night, you usually have to go back home in the same clothes from yesterday.

Owen: Gee, this chick is really hot, you'd think she already had a boyfriend!

_**Last I remember I was face down, clothes off, ass up, broke off, dozed off**_

_**Even though I'm not sure of his name, he can get again, if he wanted**_

Noah: Chick brags about having a one night stand with a guy whose name she never learned. That's how you can tell she loves the cock.

Owen: This song is so trashy, man. I can't believe anyone thought it'd be a good idea to make a video like this.

Noah: You're right. It's just her bragging about this one night stand she had with this dude she doesn't even know.

_**Cuz the sex was spectacular**_

_**The sex was spectacular, the sex was spectacular**_

_**The sex was spectacular**_

Owen: Yeah, why not just get a T Shirt that says "I love the Cock" while you're at it?

Noah: No no, make it a shirt that says "I Love the Cock" in the front, and in the back, have an arrow that points to her butt and says "In here".

Owen and Noah burst out laughing. At that moment, the theater lights dim. "Oh shit, movie's starting!"

And it was a great movie.


	13. Chapter 13

**Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos**

**Video 13: "Gangnam Style" by Psy**

"Hey Noah, you gotta check out this video Zoey sent me the other day!" Owen rushes towards Noah's computer, opens his email, and clicks a link. "It's terrific!"

**Oppa Gangnam Style! Gangnam Style!**

**Naje-neun ttsaroun inkanjeo-gin yeoja**

**Keopi hanyanje yeouyureaneun pumkyieok i-nneun yeoja**

Owen: By the way, do you speak Korean?

Noah: A bit. He's basically asking for a girl who's a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed.

**Areumdawo sarangseureowo**

**Keure neo, hey!**

**Keure baro neo, hey!**

**Areumdawo sarangseureowo**

**Keure neo, hey!**

**Keure baro neo, hey!**

Owen: Man, this video is insane!

Noah: I know, quite funny. (Chuckles) It's like, this video is so ridiculous, there's no way to take it seriously!

Owen: Dude, the chick in the black dress was so hot! We need to see more of her!

Noah: Yup!

Owen: I love how this guy is dancing like an idiot, and it's like he doesn't give a shit how he looks, man. Now that's real swag.

Noah: (Bursts out laughing)

**Jeoungsu-khae boijiman nol ttaen noneun yeonja**

**Ittaeda shipeoumyon mukkeot-deon meori yeoja**

**Karyeot-jiman wen-manhan nochulboda yahan yeoja**

**Keureon gamkakjeo-gin yeoja**

Noah: Yes, turn the parking lot into a dance club, that will save the economy!

Owen: Hey Noah, check it out, the next big porno: Two man Elevator Dance Party.

Noah: No man, it's Brokeback Elevator, rated R.

Owen:(Blushing) Wow...that red headed Asian girl is so hot...

Noah: Korean women are known for being beautiful, yes.

**Heeeeeey Sexy Lady!**

**Op-op-op-Oppa Gangnam Style!**

**Heeeeey Sexy Lady!**

**Op-op-op-Oppa Gangnam Style!**

**Ttwinen nom keu wiie naneum nom**

**Baby baby**

**Naneum mwol jom aneun nom**

Owen: Girl in pink's cute too.

Noah: Yeah, Korean women, know what I'm saying?

Owen: We should totally move to Korea and hook up with some of these chicks, man.

Noah: I don't know, man. I'm not very good at Starcraft.

Owen: Well, maybe we could beat their dads at Maple Story?

Noah: Nah, I don't play that anymore.

Owen: Oh well, it's not like a running man can beat a flying one, anyway.

"You know, I learned something from this video." Noah leans back. "See, this guy has some pretty lame dance moves, isn't particularly good looking, and has really lame fashion sense."

"Yeah?"

"Yet he still manages to make a video that has over 130 million views, over a million likes, and only 50 thousand dislikes!" Noah gets up. "This guy's got it, man. He's one of the coolest bastards to ever walk the Earth."

"That's real swag, man." Owen nods his head. "Real swag, not like that fake swag rappers got."

"No, man. Not swag. He has something better." Noah's eyes twinkle. "He's got Gangnam Style."


	14. Chapter 14

**Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos**

**Video 14: "Pound on my Muffin" by Shira featuring Asco**

"So check it out, man. Gwen and Geoff have a new online review show." Owen points to the link. "They already have a few episodes up. I checked it out."

"So how is it?" Noah asks.

"Pretty OK, I guess. I mean, it's not as funny as Nostalgia Critic or Angry Video Game Nerd." Owen thinks for a second. "I think on a scale between Nostalgia Critic and Irate Gamer, I could give them a MarzGurl."

"I see..oh check it out, I got an email from Gwen. She says 'check this shit out'." Noah clicks on the link Gwen sent him.

**I know you missed this muffin!**

**I know you missed this muffin!**

Owen: I think we've found Derpy Hoove's favorite song.

**The diamonds, the bracelets, the bling and Swavrosky**

**These guys gold digger is what they often call me**

Noah: Aw shit, she's ugly as sin, man!

Owen: Those are not muffins, they are cupcakes!

**My shades are Versaci and my trouser's Secret**

**So sexy in Victoria's Secret.**

Owen: Oh my God, this has to tbe the ugliest rapper I ever laid eyes on.

Noah: Agreed. And these lyrics are awful and insipid. Bieber's written better lyrics than this!

**I'm a very freaky girl, don't give it up for nothing**

**All he wanna do is p-p-pound on my muffin.**

**All he wanna do, all he wanna do**

**All he wanna do is p-p-pound on my muffin!**

**I'm a very freaky girl, don't give it up for nothing**

**All he wanna do is p-p-pound on my muffin.**

**Pound on my muffin, pound on my muffin!**

**All he wanna do is p-p-pound on my muffin!**

Noah:(Pukes on the ground)

Owen: Dude, this has got to be the worst video I've ever seen! I'm turning it off!

"Jesus, what the hell was that?" Noah wipes his mouth with a cloth.

"You know what? That video is like the bastard offspring of a Tool music video directed by Uwe Boll and a Snoop Lion song after he's snorted eighty pounds of cocaine after falling off a ten story cliff!" Owen shakes his head in disgust. "I'd rather watch Two Girls and a Cup than have to watch that again!"

"Know what? That has to be the WORST video I've seen since 'Baby' by the Bieber." Noah gets up. "Shit's disturbing, man."

Owen turns on Noah's webcam and begins recording a video:

_Don't watch a music video called "Pound on my muffin" by this chick called Shira. Man, that shit's so disturbing, yo...Me and my little buddy Noah, we was just chillin around, watching a video or two, when one of our buds sends us a link to this video. We click it and watch it a while, and at first we were like "yooo, what the heck?" Then when the singer started singing, we were like "Yooooooo..." But then we got to the stupid ass chorus and we were like "Yooooooo!" We couldn't believe what we were hearing! It was like Satan directed this video or something, shit was so disturbing! Hey, if Shira's watching this video, you shut your dirty mouth ya ugly tramp, you need Jesus! So don't watch "Pound on my muffin", remember what I'm saying to you!_

Owen then uploads the video unto Youtube.

**Coming soon, a spinoff of "Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos". It's... "Gwen and Geoff Review the Internet"!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos**

**Video 15: "Swagger Jagger" by Cher Lloyd**

Owen is browsing his Facebook on Noah's computer as Noah himself goes to grab a sandwich. Suddenly, he sees a link on his wall, courtesy of Tyler.

"Yo Noah, Tyler's left me a music video on my wall, wanna see it?" Says Owen. Noah walks over to the computer, grabs a chair and sits down next to Owen.

**Swagger Jagger, Swagger Jagger**

**You should get some of your own**

Noah: (annoyed) Oh shit, yet another song that rhymes swagger with Jagger. Gee, how many like those are there, eh?

Owen: Hey! She's ripping off Huckleberry Hound! That's HIS song!

Noah: Oh my God, did Romero Britto direct this video?

Owen: Man, I don't even know who that is.

Noah: Lucky you.

**You can't stop thinkin bout me**

**Starin at me**

**Be what I be**

**You can't stop lookin at me**

**So get up off my face!**

**You can't stop clicking at me**

**Writin bout me**

**Tweetin bout me**

Noah: What? I've never even heard of this chick before in my life! Who the heck is she?

Owen: I think I saw her in X Factor or something, but I don't remember much.

Noah: She kinda looks like Selena Gomez, what will all that makeup.

Owen: Yeah, but Gomez is a little cuter, in my opinion. It's her voice, know what I'm saying?

**Swagger jagger, swagger jagger**

**You should get some of your own**

**Count that money, get your game on**

**You're a hater, just let it go**

Noah: (Using a girly voice) See you later, haters. Haters make me famous!

Owen: (Using a squeaky voice) Hey, having a hard time, cuz off haters? Well FUCK the haters! Cuz you are beautiful. Smile!

Noah: (Still using a girly voice) Thanks for the fame, haters!

**You can't stop Youtubin me**

**On repeat, runnin this beat**

**You can't stop, it's funny to me**

**I'm laughing all the way**

Noah: So before this song, this chick had X Factor as a claim to fame?

Owen: Yeah, and she lost.

Noah: And this got her haters and fame? Gee, sure is easy to become famous these days...

Owen: Used to be that you needed talent to be famous. Nowadays, anyone idiot can be famous.

Noah: (Chuckles) Thanks to haters?

Owen: Like Gloria Tesch says: behind every success is a pack of haters!

Noah: Who?

Owen: Some girl that wrote a crappy book and got it self published. She's nice to look at, but you need to hit the mute button.

**Hi hater, kiss kiss, I see you later**

**Hi hater, it was very very nice to meet ya**

Noah: Yeah, I wish I could say the same, you twat.

"Wanna see it again?" Owen chuckles. Noah logs out of Owen's Facebook page and opens his own. He sees he has a message. He opens it; his eyes widen.

"No..." Noah breathes a bit more heavily.

"You OK?" Owen looks at the screen and sees who sent the message. He gasps. He quickly grabs the mouse and closes that window. "Come on, man. She's gone, out of your life. Don't worry..."

Owen sighs, silently cursing her name. He looks at Noah, who has tears forming in his eyes. He pats him on the shoulder. "Come on, guy. Let's go outside."


	16. Chapter 16

**Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos**

**Video 16: "Friday" by Rebecca Black**

Noah is on his facebook, looking at pictures at 3 in the morning. They are the pictures of a specific person: a young woman, seemingly in her early twenties, with auburn brown hair that reaches her neck, about five feet and two inches tall, white skin and brown eyes. He has tears in his eyes.

"Why..." He wipes his tears. "Why send me a friend request, Amanda? You were finally gone..."

Noah looks at Amanda's status. She is currently online. He is nervous. He accepted her request three hours ago. He clicks on another picture of hers: herself in a bikini. His eyes widen. His heart beats faster. He gets up from his chair and unzips his pants.

"No...no..." Noah sits down again. "No...you broke my heart, Amanda. You hurt me..."

Noah looks at her picture again. Her white skin, so flawless...

"I can't do this..." Noah right clicks on Amanda's profile. "I need you out of my life. It was a mistake to re-friend you on Facebook."

He hesitates. Suddenly, a message.

From her.

"What..." Noah reads the message. He bites his lip, shivvering.

'Hi sweetie, I missed u. Wanna hang out sometime?' Her message reads. Noah almost answers, but at that moment he opens a link Owen had sent him earlier. It is a music video...

**Seven AM, waking up in the morning**

**Gotta get fresh, gotta go downstairs**

**Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal**

**Seeing everything the time is goin'**

Noah: Oh God, this? I thought this would have been forgotten by now.

**Kickin' in the front seat, sitti' in the back seat**

**Gotta make my mind up**

**Which seat can I take?**

Noah: Does it really matter? Oh look, you went for the back seat. How do your front seat friends feel knowing you ditched them? Front seat for life!

**Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday**

**Everybody's looking forward to the weekend**

Noah: (Sarcastically) No, I'm looking forward to Monday. I hate weekends.

At that moment, Noah accidentally opens his Facebook window again. Though he rushes to close it, he sees Amanda's bikini pictures...

Noah: (Unzips and drops his pants) Oh..Amanda...

**R.B., Rebecca Black, kick it!**

**So chillin in the front seat (the front seat)**

**In the back seat (in the back seat)**

**I'm drivin, cruisin (yeah yeah)**

**Fast Lanes, switchin lanes **

**with a car at my side (woo!)**

**(c'mon) passin by is a school bus**

Noah: (Sweating profusely, his hand below his waist) Oh...Amanda...c'mon Rebecca, give it to me.

**Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday**

**Everybody's looking forward to the weekend, weekend**

Noah: Almost...come on, Rebecca Black you sexy vixen, I'm almost there...

**Partying partying (yeah!)**

**Fun fun fun fun**

**Looking forward to the weekend**

At that moment, Noah lets out a grunt. He looks at his hand, which contains the white liquid that arose from his climax. He grabs a tissue, wipes it off, and throws the soiled tissue into his garbage pail. He looks at his pail. He picks it up and throws it against the wall. He punches his wall. He kicks his night stand. He flips over his mattress. He lets out an angered grunt. He calms himself a bit. He walks to his computer. He sits down. A new message from Amanda. 'Are you ignoring me?'

Noah sighs. He replies 'No, was just AFK. Sure, let's meet up.'

He turns off his computer. He does not sleep that night...


	17. Chapter 17

**Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos**

**Video 17: "The Best of Times" by Sage Francis**

Noah sighs to himself. He checks his cellphone; another text from Amanda. He sighs once more and reads the text.

_Liek OMG I am so happy to be wit u!_

He frowns. He hesitates for three minutes. He texts her back.

_I know. I am too._

He rubs his forehead. She texts him again. He does not bother looking at the text. A knock on his door. He gets up and answers the door.

"Hey Owen." He says. "Come in."

"You OK, bud?" Owen looks concerned.

"Yeah." Noah lies. "I'm fine."

"You sure?" Owen raises an eyebrow. "If you say so..."

"Yeah..." Noah sighs.

"Hey Noah. Check out this video. Gwen sent it to me." Owen goes to Noah's computer.

"What happened to her online review show?" Noah asks. "She hasn't updated in weeks."

"Geoff told me that Gwen's had a virus or something. She made a video recently, about Amanda Todd, but she couldn't upload it." Owen turns on the computer. "They also got hacked by some asshole."

"Sad." Noah sighs. "So what's this video?"

"It's this video Gwen recommended to me." Owen looks at his buddy. Something is on his mind.

**It's been a long and lonely trip, but I'm glad I took it**

**Because it was well worth it**

**I read a couple of books and did some research**

**Before I reached my verdict**

**Never thought that I was perfect**

**Always thought that I had a purpose**

**I used to wonder if I'd live to see my first kiss.**

Noah: Wow, who is this?

Owen: Some rapper called Sage Francis. I don't know, his rhymes aren't that good.

**Conveniently religious on Easter Sunday and on Christmas**

**The television went from being a babysitter to a mistress**

**Technology made it easy for us to stay in tough while keeping distance**

**til we just stayed distant and never touched. **

**Now all we do is text too much.**

Owen: OK, withdrawn. Guy's got some wicked rhyme.

Noah: Yeah, wow. Listen to those lyrics.

**Fell in love for the first time in 4th grade but I didn't have the courage to talk to her**

**In 8th grade I wrote the note but slipped it in somebody else's locker.**

**Considered killing myself cuz of that.**

**It was a big deal. It was a blwon cover.**

**It was over for me, my goose was cooked.**

**Stick a fork in me, the jig is up.**

**I blew my chances, the rest is history, our future was torn asunder**

**It became abundantly clear I was only brought here to suffer.**

Noah: (silently looks at the text Amanda sent him.) I got back with Amanda.

Owen: (nodding, as if he knew this already) Why?

Noah: (sadly) I don't know.

Owen: Isn't Amanda the girl that broke your heart not that long ago?

Noah: Yeah. Broke up with me out of the blue.

**It was the best of times, it was the end of times.**

**The best of times, the end times**

**I was always on deck, I was next in line**

**An only child with a pen and pad**

**writing a list of things I could never have**

**The walls in my house were paper thin**

**Every squabble seemed to get deafening**

**If my memory serves me correctly I made it a point to void and forget some things.**

Noah: She hasn't changed at all, I don't think.

Owen: So...why bother?

Noah: I still love her. And a part of me wants this to work this time.

Owen: I know what you mean. (Pats Noah on the shoulder.)

**It was beautiful, it was cruel, it was brutal, it was business as usual**

**Heaven. It was hell. Used to wonder if I'd live to see twelve.**

Noah: I love this song. I love it.

Owen: Me too, man.

Noah: I mean, check it out. When you analyze the lyrics, it's not a song about how some guy had a 'tough life' growing up. This guy didn't grow up in the streets, or hungry, or in a broken home. He lived a normal life, know what I mean?

Owen: Yeah...like us!

Noah: But there's always a lesson to be learned. Life is like that, know what I mean?

**Now I wonder if I'll live to see marriage**

**Wonder if I'll live long enough to have kids**

**Wonder if I'll live to see my kids have kids**

**If I do, I'll tell them how it is.**

"**Don't listen when they tell you that these are your best years**

**Don't let anyone protect your ears**

**Best that you hear what they don't want you to hear**

**Better to have pression from peers than not have peers**

**Beer won't give you chest hair**

**Spicy food won't make it curl**

**When you think you've got it all figured out and then everything collapses**

**Trust me kids, it's not the end of the world."**

Noah turns off the video. "Just wow, man."

Owen gets up. "I know."

Owen and Noah stay silent a good four minutes. Noah's cellphone beeps; another text from Amanda.

"So...you still love her." Owen sighs.

"Yeah." Noah sighs as well. "A part of me blames myself for the way everything ended last time."

"Noah, it wasn't your fault." Owen speaks up.

"I know that up here." Noah points to his head. He points to his heart next. "But here I am not convinced."

"Noah..." Owen looks down on the ground.

"When she broke up with me, I kept playing in my head a ton of scenarios where I would tell her I loved her, and she'd take me back." Tears form in Noah's eyes. "I've been so angry for so long. I thought I had forgotten her, but I never did. I never stopped loving her."

"Even after all that happened..." Owen sighs. "Noah, I got your back. If you ever feel like you need to get anything off your chest, you give me a call, OK?"

"Sure thing, buddy." Noah shakes Owen's hand.

That night, Noah lays on his bed. He closes his eyes and thinks back to that day...

"_Yeah, no. I'm done with you." Amanda flips her hair at Noah as she eats her ice cream. "We're over, kiddo. Bye!"_

_Noah stands still on the pier, his ice cream melting in his hand, as he watches his now ex girlfriend callously walk away from him and dissapear into the crowd. He is surrounded by hundreds of people, only two of which seem to notice him at all._

"_Wow, what a bitch." Says the asian girl with a nose piercing and purple hair. The tall Latino male next to her nodded his head in agreement._

Noah opens his eyes. He goes to his computer and plays the video again. "I love music."

He paces around his room as he listens to the song. "I think...I should let go of the past. Maybe, instead of worrying about my thing with Amanda, I should be happy I'm in a relationship again."

He gets back in his bed. "Yeah...I'm in love. I'm back with the girl I love, so everything should be hunky dory from now on."

Noah stares at his ceiling. The clock ticks slowly. No new messages arrive for Noah.


	18. Chapter 18

**Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos**

**Video 18: "Scream and Shout" by will. featuring Britney Spears**

Noah is angry. He paces around his room, a scowl on his face. At that moment, he sees the mailman drop some post. He goes over to pick it up. A letter for him from Stanford University. He sighs. At that moment, he sees Owen.

"Hey buddy, you OK?" Owen walks up to him.

"Hell no. Come inside, I'll tell you all about it." Noah and Owen enter his home. He sighs as he puts the letter down. "Amanda, man."

"What happened?" Owen asks, concerned.

"She's been insulting me all day, like she usually does." Noah scoffs. "You know how she is. First she says something awful, then she laughs and says she's just kidding."

"Gee, I don't like the sound of that, man..." Owen shakes his head. "Are you sure..."

"I love her, man. Don't get me wrong. But sometimes I feel like she over steps some boundaries, know what I mean?" Noah sighs. "Damn, it's messed up."

"Man, that sucks, dude." Owen sighs. He then notices the letter. "Got some mail there?"

"Yeah, a letter from this college I applied to." Noah looks away. "Anyway doesn't matter. I don't feel like opening it at the moment."

"I guess right now won't be a good time." Owen sighs. He thinks about a way to change the subject. "Hey, I saw this video today. Man, it sucked! I mean, it is awful, man!"

"Alright, let's see it." Noah sighs. "Lord knows I need a distraction."

Noah turns on the computer. Owen directs him to the video.

**Bring the action!**

**When you hear us in the club**

**You gonna turn the shit up**

**You gotta turn the shit up**

**You gotta turn the shit up**

Noah: Oh my God, this is the pinnacle of lyricism right here.

Owen: Wow, Britney sure sounds off. It's almost like she's someone else!

**Everybody in the club**

**All eyes on us**

**All eyes on us**

**All eyes on us**

**I wanna scream and shout**

**And let it all out**

**And scream and shout and let it out**

**We sayin' oh we oh we oh we oh**

**We sayin' oh we oh we oh we oh**

Noah: Wow, holy crap. Listen to these lyrics, man! This is the Homer of modern music! The Beethoven of club music!

Owen: Are you being sarcastic?

Noah: Yes.

Owen: Good, cuz this is awful.

**You are now now rockin wit**

**will. and Britney bitch!**

Owen: (annoyed) Well that was rude of her

Noah: This has got to be the worst song Britney's ever done.

Owen: Even worse than Toxic?

Noah: You hated Toxic too?

Owen: Yeah, man! It was the song that pretty much said "Britney Spears is not gonna be the same from now on!" I hated it, man. I liked Britney better when she was singing stuff like Oops I did it Again.

Noah: I remember Britney used to be this big symbol of pop music, the standard to which all other teen girl singers would be compared to. That's why Avril Lavigne managed to get such a big career out of being the Anti-Britney.

Owen: Yeah, but Avril's still good.

**Hey yo**

**Rock it out and rock it now**

**If you know what we talkin bout**

Noah: (angrily) I have no idea what you're talking about!

Owen: (rolls his eyes) Aw gee, I can't believe this is the same guy who sang Where is the Love.

Noah: This song has been going on and on forever. It should have ended three minutes ago!

Owen: I know, right? What's the point, man? Why does it go on and on?

Noah: And look at will's stupid king hat. (Sarcastically) Yeah, because I could never tell that having a crown taped to a baseball cap would denote royalty!

Owen: King of crap, that's what he is!

**You are now now rockin with**

**will. and Britney bitch!**

"Gee, that was shit." Noah sighs. "What a load of crap, man."

Owen sighs. "I know, man. At least Britney's still hot."

Noah chuckles. "Speaking of Britney, she was barely in the song! I mean, she may have had one stanza for herself!"

"The song was practically 100% will. . That's bull, man." Owen chuckles. "What a hoser!"

"Yeah, man. Screw that guy, he sucks." Noah laughs out loud. He looks at his letter and opens it. "Yeah, I got in."

"That's great, man!" Owen offers Noah a high five.

"Yeah..." Noah hesitates for half a second, but then returns the high five.


	19. Chapter 19

**Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos**

**Video 19: "If I were a boy" by Beyonce**

Owen knocks on Noah's door. His smile dissapears for a brief second once he sees who answers the door.

"Ah, hi Amanda." He tries his best to smile again. His smile is clearly fake, however.

"Ah! Hi tons of fun! How are you, big guy?" Amanda taps Owen's stomach as she says this. "Ah ha ha, just kidding, lardo. Come on in! Noah honey, your friend is here!"

"Hey Owen, wassup?" Noah shakes Owen's hand. "Come on in, man."

"Thanks..." Owen enters the house. "So Noah, whatcha up to, man?"

"Oh, you know..." Noah fidgest for a second.

"He's just trying to get over the silly idea of going to college, right Noah?" Amanda squeezes Noah's hand a little. "I mean, it's not like you need it! And besides, why go to some college that's so far away from me, the best thing that ever happened to you?"

"Well, college is a good idea..." Owen sighs. "So..."

"Yeah..." Noah sighs. "But I'd at least like to see it, you know?"

"Oh Noah, hush now. You'd probably flunk out anyway. Just because you're High School smart doesn't mean you're college material." Amanda bursts out laughing. "I'm just kidding, love."

"Yeah. I know." Noah sighs. "Anyway, I'm just looking up that college campus online."

"You may as well, hun. You and I both know you're not going." Amanda glares at Noah, but then nudges his ribs as she giggles. "I'm kidding."

"So, this college, what is it like?" Owen interrupts.

"Oh, looks good." Noah directs Owen and Amanda to his computer. "They have a lot of classes, a lot of faculties. There's Earth Sciences, Physics, Social Sciences..."

"And we are wasting our time looking at this." Amanda speaks up. "Noah, we both know you are not going."

"I know..." Noah sighs. Owen frowns.

"Anyway hun, I'm bored, I wanna watch a video." Amanda says as she pushes Noah away from his computer. She opens up Youtube and searches a video. "Oh! This one's a good one!"

_**Beyonce: Honesty**_

_**Man: Commitment**_

Noah: (Sardonically) Oh boy, here we go.

_**If I were a boy, even just for a day**_

_**I'd roll out of bed in the morning**_

_**Put on what I wanted**_

_**And go drink beer with the guys.**_

Owen: Hey Beyonce? Your cop hat's kinda crooked.

Noah: Oh boy, a Beyonce song that belittles boys to empower girls. (Sarcastically) How original!

_**If I were a boy**_

_**I think I could understand**_

_**How it feels to love a girl**_

_**I swear I'd be a better man**_

_**I'd listen to her**_

_**Cuz I know how it hurts!**_

_**When you lose the one you wanted**_

_**Cuz he's taken you for granted**_

_**And everything you had got destroyed**_

Owen: Wow, I wonder how Jay-Z feels everytime Beyonce sings?

Noah: I can't help but feel that Beyonce is a little bitter about how guys treated her in the past, and now she can't let go.

Amanda: (Angrily) Or Beyonce is singing to all the girls in the world who've ever been taken for granted and giving them strength to move on! You know, there are a crap load of immature boys out there who break the hearts of the girls who actually loved them, you know!

_**I'd put myself first**_

_**And make the rules as I go**_

_**'Cause I know that she'd be faithful**_

_**Waiting for me to come home, come home**_

Noah: I can't help but feel bad for the guy in the video.

Owen: Yeah man, Beyonce's being a bitch to the guy!

_**It's a little too late for you to come back**_

_**Say it's just a mistake**_

_**Think I'd forgive you like that**_

_**If you thought I would wait for you**_

_**You thought wrong**_

Owen: (Stunned silence)

Noah: (Stunned) What the...what was that?

Amanda: (Smugly) Obviously, the whole video was told in opposites. It ain't Beyonce who was cheating on her husband, it was her husband who was an asshole to her the whole time!

Noah: What the hell? The video was brilliant until now! Beyonce showed us that the type of person she was describing was reprehensible by switching the gender roles, showing us that the gender is irrelevant and that the person is measured by how he or she treats the people that love them!

_**You don't listen to her**_

_**You don't care how it hurts**_

_**Until you lose the one you wanted**_

_**'Cause you're taking her for granted**_

_**And everything you had got destroyed**_

_**But you're just a boy**_

"But what you just said was just a red herring argument, Noah. The fact is that the people Beyonce is singing to are not just the girls who are rightly bitter at the boys who've hurt them, but at those same boys as well! She's singing to them how much they suck!" Amanda angrily shouts at Noah. "The video itself challenges its male viewers because the same condemnation they'd give Beyonce for being a bitch on the guy is absolutely absent when the roles are reversed!"

Noah thinks for a second. "That could be an interpretation..."

"You know what, Noah? I am glad you're not going to college. You're not smart enough." Amanda says, smugly

Noah thinks for a while, holding back an obviously fuming Owen. "I'm not smart enough for college, you say? You're right."

Owen is shocked at Noah, who just sighs.

"And that's why I need to go to college." Noah says with a smile. "So I can become smarter."

Amanda stutters, her eyes watering as her lips tremble. She grits her teeth in fury. "Fine! Do whatever the fuck you want!"

Amanda leaves Noah's house in a fury, pushing both Owen and Noah out of the way.

"Wow, what a..." Owen holds back his tongue. "I'm really sorry, Noah."

"It doesn't matter." Noah sighs. "Know what? I'm gonna visit this college, see if it's any good. Wanna come?"

"Heck yeah, road trip!" Owen pumps his fist in the air. "Woo hoo!"

Meanwhile, Amanda rushes into her bedroom, angrily kicking her rubbish bin. Inside is a collection of torn letters; college rejection letters.

**Only two more chapters to go! Up next, the absolute WORST music video ever made!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos**

**Penultimate Video: The worst music video ever made!**

As Noah closes his suitcase, Owen bursts into his room.

"Ready to go, buddy?" Owen asks.

"Yeah, almost. I just need to send someone an email." Noah says, clearing his throat. He walks towards his computer, opens his email account, and types away. "She'll likely give me a one word response, but hell with it."

"Yeah..." Owen sighs. He suddenly perks up. "Hey, we got time for a music video?"

"Yeah, I think we got time for a good one." Noah says. "Why? Which one do you wanna watch?"

"It's one Gwen sent me. She says it's God awful!" Owen says. "It may even be the worst one ever!"

"Well shit, we gotta see it!" Noah says, opening up Youtube. "What's it called?"

"It's called '**Wilder', **and it's by this chick called **Gnesa.**" Owen says. Noah clicks the video...

Noah: Eh...face is six out of ten.

_**Laaa la la la laaa**_

_**Laaa la la la laaaa**_

_**Laaa la la la laaaa laaa laaa**_

Noah: (Eyes wide with shock)

Owen: Wow, seven seconds in and already she killed it.

_**I don't wanna be moved by the feelings**_

_**I just want to follow the feeling**_

_**Don't stop me, I can do better**_

_**You can go, a little bit of wilder**_

Noah: Wow, just wow! This chick can't carry a tune to save her life!

Owen: And she can't dance! And she's only a 7 out of 10!

Noah: But at least the synth is good.

_**Laaa la la la laaa**_

_**Laaaa la la la laaa**_

_**Laaaa la la la laaaa laaa laaa**_

_**Laaa la la la laaa**_

_**Laaa la la la laaa**_

_**Laaa la la la laaaa laaa laaa**_

Noah: (Sarcastically) William Shakespeare wishes he could write lyrics this deep.

Owen: Man, this chick sucks! And there's no backup dancers or anything! I mean, at least that God awful Shira video had backup dancers!

Noah: Though that had the adverse effect of making the singer herself be the ugliest chick in her own video.

Owen: Yeah, but that's not the fault of the dancers. You could have put a pair of dogs as backup dancers and they'd still be better looking than Shira!

Noah: You think this chick didn't want backup dancers because then she'd be outshined in her own video?

Owen: Know what? I bet she didn't want backup dancers because then people would notice just how much she can't dance!

_**I don't wanna be moved by the feelings**_

_**I just want to follow the feeling**_

_**Don't stop me, I can do better**_

_**You can go, a little bit wilder**_

_**Take me higher**_

_**Let's get wilder**_

_**Take me higher**_

_**Let's get wilder**_

Noah: Man, this is bad. You know what I'd rather watch than this?

Owen: What, man?

Noah: Twilight. All five movies. In a row. Director's cut and everything.

Owen: Come on, man. Now you're talking crazy.

Noah: No, I'm serious. At least Twilight has some hot chicks in it, like that chick who played the wolf girl.

Owen: Oh yeah. Hey, you know that chick? The one you just mentioned? She's dating the guy from How I Met Your Mother.

Noah: Which guy?

Owen: The guy who plays the loser that no one likes because he's a dumbass looking to get married and can never score with Cobie Smulders.

Noah: Oh, the guy who plays Ted? Shit, man. Does that make the wolf girl the Mother?

Owen: No, but that'd be pretty sweet, right? (Impersonating Bob Saget) 'Hey kids, the truth is your mom is a Native American super model who can turn into a wolf at will to fight off evil vampires.'

Noah: Dude, that idea is so badass when you think about it. They should make a show like that.

_**I don't wanna be moved by the feelings**_

_**I just want to follow the feeling**_

_**Don't stop me, I can do better**_

_**You can go, a little bit wilder**_

_**I don't wanna be moved by the feelings**_

_**I just want to follow the feeling**_

_**Don't stop me, I can do better**_

_**You can go, a little bit wilder**_

_**Take me higher**_

_**Let's get wilder**_

_**Take me higher**_

_**Let's get wilder**_

Noah: This song should have ended two minutes ago!

Owen: The synth is really this entire video's saving grace. The ONLY saving grace!

Noah: Yeah, not like Sharknado.

Owen: Aw dude, that movie was awesome! The main character was cool, and the sharks were awesome!

Noah: Yeah, and that part with the dog that needed to be rescued? I was all like 'What about Boomer?'

Owen: (In a booming yet comforting voice.) Boomer, will live.

Noah: (Squeals like a happy little girl while raising his arms in the air)

"Dude, this video was shit." Noah chuckles. "You know what? I got time for one more music video."

"Which one?"

"The one video we need to see, man. To wash ourselves from the pure crap that was this last video, we need to see..." Noah says, typing in the search bar. "The best video ever made."


End file.
